4 Ways to Cultivate New Meaningful Friendships as An Adult
As we get older it only seems to get harder to make new connections and, let’s face it, making friends as an adult (just like dating) requires vulnerability. So why would you put yourself through the awkwardness of making new friends? Well, the quality of our friendships and connections play a pivotal role in our wellbeing. In fact, a study by the geniuses at Harvard says that meaningful relationships greatly impact our physical, mental, and emotional health.
If you’re feeling alone, it might be helpful to know that you’re not the only one. Currently, 1 in 4 Americans report having no one to confide in and isolation is a growing epidemic – one that’s only been exacerbated by the Covid-19 pandemic. As a former loner transplant, here are my tips for getting out there and making connections that are truly meaningful.
Get Clarity on What you Need
The most important relationship is the one you have with yourself, you gotta be with THAT person all the time. Take the time to get clear on what you are looking for in a friendship: what season of life are you in? what activities do you like doing? what friendships in the past or present mean a lot to you and why? What excites you and sets your soul on fire? If you’re dead inside like me you might want to read The Art of Showing Up by Rachel Wilkerson Miller which outlines practical thought exercises to get clarity on this
Harness the power of the internet:
When I first moved from Australia to the United States I didn’t know a single soul. So I proactively took to searching for friends like it was my job. One of the ways I was able to start making connections was through using apps like BumbleBFF, which allow you to list your interests and match with potential friends, as well as websites like MeetUp or Facebook groups. For the latter two you can use the search tool on the websites to find groups that match your interests like meditation groups, hiking collectives, poetry circles, and more. Once you request to join you can start engaging online and when you are ready join a local event.
Volunteer
Get to meet new people and feel a sense of purpose on this spinning earth rock, sign yourself up for those feel good endorphins, baby! Decide which causes you care about, and what kind of skills or time you can commit to, before starting your search. You can look online for places seeking volunteers or check-in with local homeless shelters, animal rescues, and retirement homes. Begin with a limited commitment to see if it’s the spot for you.
Hang Where your (future) Tribe Hangs
Figure out where you actually might meet like-minded people. Once you’ve determined your interests hanging out in the places where those said interests take place is key! Make new connections by taking a regular fitness class, love dogs – visit the dog park, passionate about organic farming – start going to that local farmer’s market, passionate about climate change- attend a local rally. If it feels a bit awkward at first to be chatty with a stranger try to commit to a coming at a regular time, so you are routinely coming into contact and warming up to the same people.
Treat it Like an Experiment
Remind yourself why you are expanding your circle. Trust that in the process of putting yourself out there you are building social skills, confidence, and resilience by stepping outside of your comfort zone and saying yes to a better future for yourself. Keep an open mind and acknowledge that not every meetup is going to go how you thought it might – whether it’s better or worse. Say yes to new experiences and opportunities to make connections as much as you can, while you are building new friendships. Say no to things that don’t feel right in your gut and keep in mind, we aren’t meant to hold onto every single relationship we make.
